Evaluation Questions for the Script Draft 2

-  Have You Paid Respect to Screenwriting Conventions?

With screenwriting conventions, such as having it in the right font, and size for the page, i have followed it in that respect. I made sure when writing this script i followed the industry standards for writing a script. The program online Celtx, helped me to do this in the way that it auto-formatted the page when i selected certain inputs such as ‘Scene Heading’ or ‘Dialogue’, it spaced the page and moved the text around appropriately for it to be presented effectively.

-  How Does The Script Adhere to the Guiding Principles of the Ten Point Plan?

Title - Is to be confirmed.

Genre/Tone - Social Realist/Drama Hybrid

Setting (Time & Place) - Set in a school setting, mainly in a sixth form centre.

Main Character - Luke, a teenager who follows the ‘metalhead’ culture, which is shown within his mise en scene of costume, with jeans, band t-shirt and long length hair.

Want/Need/Obligation - His want is to be accepted by others for who he is, and his obligation is to stand up for this belief.

Opposition - Luke’s opposition, is the group of social accepted youths, shown once again by their mise en scene of all of them having the same or similar hair cuts, wearing similar clothing, a lot of it branded, for example chinos, polo top and a pair of vans shoes.

Catalyst for Change - Is when the group of youths ‘attack’ Alice, (the secondary character, who is from a sub-culture of the metalhead movement, once again shown by her costume and make up design, who Luke has a particular interest in) with a sandwich.

Climax - Is when Luke finally gets up to intervene in the ‘bullying’ and takes Alice outside whilst being followed by the group.

Resolution - When Luke gets his ‘revenge’ on the group by getting his friends to pelt them with various items of food.

And the Audience Feels... (Theme) - Better and happier within themselves, seeing that people can have self-belief to be able to stand up for themselves.

-  Does Every Scene Reveal Something New?

INTERIOR - SCHOOL LOCKERS - DAY

In this scene our main character Luke, encounters secondary character, Alice for the first time, and he takes a particular interest in her.

Luke and Alice’s relationship is revealed as significant to the plot.

The costume of both character’s reveals to the audience what they could be like as people.

The indication of theme is shown through Luke’s interest in Alice as a teenager who is interested in the opposite sex, which is a very real theme related so social realism.

INTERIOR - SIXTH FORM CENTRE - DAY

In this scene Luke is ridiculed by his ‘peers’ but he brushes it off and eventually the group move the focus of their ridicule to Alice.

It is revealed to the plot that Luke has dealt with this before and that he is unfazed, where as when the focus is shifted to Alice it starts to effect Luke’s position on the ‘ridicule’.

The audiences understanding of the characters is furthered by Seeing how Luke is a self strong individual through his actions, whilst Alice is an emotionally weak character as she can’t deal with the ‘ridicule’.

The theme shifts back in to social realism but in a different portrayal of the dark side of being a teenager and having to deal with bullying.

FLASHBACK SEQUENCE - INTERIOR - TOILET - DAY

In this scene it shows Luke being bullied by the same group of Youths as in present day.

It is revealed that Luke has gone through this abuse before and how he feels about it.

The audience finds out that the Youths are a particularly violent group, whilst also seeing that Luke used to be in a similar position to Alice at one point.

The theme still stays around the social realist ‘bullying’ theme although it brings in a bit more of a drama feel as the actions of the characters become more dramatic themselves.

INTERIOR - SIXTH FORM - DAY

In this scene we see Luke move across the centre to get Alice and lead her away from the abuse but the group follow them.

It is revealed to the audience that Luke has a plan for the group.

The audience finds out that Luke cares about Alice enough to put himself in a dangerous position and that the Youths like to abuse people enough to follow them as if it’s a sport.

The theme now stays at social realism but veers off more towards the dramatic side of the theme now.

EXTERIOR - PIAZZA - DAY

In this scene Luke’s plan for the Youths is revealed.

Luke’s plan is revealed and carried out, resolving the conflict for now.

The audience comes to a full realization of how much Luke cares for Alice, and how other people feel about the ‘bullying’ issue.

The theme is extremely dramatic in this theme but still carries the thematic undertones of social realism.

- Does the Narrative Progress Cinematically and With Minimal Dialogue?

Over the whole script there is only seven lines of dialogue. The whole first scene is literally pushed forward via use of different camera angles such as wide angles to establish the setting then a close up pan of the main character Luke, following his look and style and then revealing his interests within his locker. This is the same with the secondary character Alice but it follows Luke’s line of vision to specific parts of her appearance such as in her locker, revealing how she has similar interests to him, and then close ups on parts of her face such as her smile and eyes. Certain visuals have been used to further progress the story such as when Alice is hit in the face with a sandwich. It is a pivotal point in the story so when grouped with sound, it has to represent that. Therefore it will have a slight thud when it hits her, and maybe a period of dead silence and then a rush of sound, to show how she feels inside her mind.  Items of the mise en scene, specifically the costume have been used symbolically but mainly to represent what the character is like for example; Alice, is part of the ‘emo’ subculture, so will be wearing mostly black clothing.

How Engaging Is the Protagonist? Is the Antagonist Convincingly Portrayed?

Luke is a rather engaging main character is the way that he as a character is mysterious in personality and state of mind. This draws in the audience in a way that they want to find out more about the character as the short progresses. The antagonist(s) in the form of the group of Youths, is portrayed very convincingly, in the way that there is an ‘alpha’ male leading the group, and he is the particularly violent one of the group, with the rest following his actions after he has acted first, just like a stereotypical teenage group.

Is There a Clear Tone? Is It Consistent Throughout?

There is a clear tone of social realism at the start but this eventually becomes more and more dramatic throughout the short for example the ending scene or resolution, where the group is pelted with food, becomes extremely dramatic. But the underlying thematic tones of social realism are constant throughout. The two are useful together because they interchange making this a hybrid.

Is Tension Created and Built Effectively?

Tension is created in the way that the verbal abuse, and physical abuse, is built up and built up from childish, petty insults to rising aggression, which turns violent in the form that Alice is hit in the face with a sandwich.

What Kind of Setting Are You Establishing? Is/Are the Space(s) Allowing You To Effectively Encode Your Mise En Scene With Semantic Pathways Through to Your Macro Ideas?

 I am trying to create a school sixth form/college setting in my short, the location I have chosen to use is based within my school’s sixth form which gives me the realistic feel needed for a social realist short, which therefore could also show how the audience the ‘new age’ teens.

Does the Story Contain Key Themes and Issues That Relate It To Wider Social/Media Contexts?

It contains key themes of ‘bullying’, ‘acceptance’ and ‘self respect’ along with issues related to teens. These issues can be related to the wider, teenage media contexts such as teenage media along the lines of magazines, blogs, social networking and other ‘new age’ forms of media.

Are There Opportunities in Your Story To;

Create Specific Representations of Social Types, Groups, events or Places?

In my short the main character is part of the metalhead culture, and Alice is part of the emo sub culture. These two representations allow me to portray specific representations of those social types. It’s also applicable to the supporting characters in the group of youths, who fit a social stereotype of a socially accepted teen. Also due to the shorts portrayal in a sixth form it allows for the representations of a typical school setting and therefore also allows for the supposedly ‘typical’ representation of teenage bullying.

Establish Cultural Meaning Where Those Representations Articulate Specific Messages and Values That Have Social Significance?

The issues of ‘new age’ bullying and social segregation shown in the short, show the audience how and what teens can go through and the effects it can have but also how to stand up to it and have self strength and reliance.

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Script - Second Draft

Script Draft 2

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Comparative Analysis of 5 Short Texts - 2nd Draft

Many short films by directors such as; Brian Percival, Alicia Duffy, Simon Ellis, Tom Harper and Jane Linfoot all have common traits between their shorts. These being the themes and issues that run throughout them.

Take for example; ‘The Most Beautiful Man in the World’. One of the main themes and issues that run through the whole of the short is the sexualisation of young children; this shows to us the viewer the representations involved are sexuality and age mainly.

Alicia Duffy shows this to us in the opening scene of her short through the use of a fade in which makes the audience feel in a sleepy relaxed state of mind, likewise with the child shown on screen, but in a few seconds this comfort is shattered and immediately dropped in to an awkward, morbid curiosity due to her choice to use a slow pan and tilt up a scantily clad, young girl, wearing skimpy shorts and an almost tube top like shirt revealing a bare midriff. This camera movement along with a canted angle makes the viewing extremely uncomfortable and almost voyeuristic in its style. This whole scene is yet again reinforced by the use of character codes due to the actress stretching with an arched back whilst yawning but because the movement has been slowed down, it makes the scene overly sexualized. Then Duffy had the idea of linking all of this with her makeup design. Young girls with makeup generally connotes a sexualized girl and the makeup used on the young girl within this scene is subtle but really effective due to the use of a makeup that makes her have a waxy skin tone, which also brings out her bright red lips. The use of mise en scene as a micro representation, all the little connotations towards sex, leads up to the macro idea of an extremely young girl that has been overly sexualized, which effects the audience in such a way that it makes them feel so awkward whilst watching it but it also makes them feel compelled to watch more.

This links to Brian Percival’s short, About a Girl, with its theme and issue of sexualisation of young children but in a different way. Due to the fact that in the short the main character, a young girl of 13 years of age, is represented as young girl with aspirations of growing up to be a popstar with her friends but this is juxtaposed with the final scene of her dropping a fully grown baby fetus in to a canal, being the so called ‘sting in the tail’ that many shorts finish upon. This shows us the viewer that the main themes and issues that run throughout the short are growing up and maturing, plus the sexualisation of young children. Furthermore this also shows us the representations in the film being sexuality and age, pretty much the same as ‘The Most Beautiful Man in the World’ but with subtle differences.

Brian Percival shows this to us in one of the final scenes of his short where the young girl is walking through a dilapidated housing estate, full of graffiti and forgotten about rubbish, making it seem like a war zone. This shows us her class and status of a poor background, while all the time spouting diegetic monosyllabic dialogue, which shows the simplicity of her education, whilst walking along side a long thin canal. Milgrom states that it is important for an emotional journey to be shown through a physical journey, which in this short, is the canal. Then there is the use of more diegetic sound of rushing water, which sets the tone of an uneasy calm, paired with the use of an upwards tilt which gives of a brooding feel to the audience at first but when it comes to rest at a high angle it shows the reality of the situation, where the young girl is a now represented as she is, a child. Then as she drops the prop of the bag in to the canal, we fully realize the extent to which she has been sexualized and how she has grown up. The white bag, which could possibly connote innocence is shown opening and out of as it continually sinks, is a fully grown baby fetus, covered in bright red blood. The use of the colour palette here shows how her innocence has been destroyed and how she has grown mentally but not physically and that she has been sexualized in the way that she has actually got an aborted child, but at the same time it also shows the lack of education because she has gotten pregnant and then decided to dispose of it within the local canal.

Micro to Macro representations have been used here through the micro idea of her dancing and singing like a child throughout the short, especially in the opening scene, where the viewer is misguided by her silhouette which makes her look older where in reality she is really young. This idea of ‘misguided’ runs through the whole short up until the big reveal of the macro idea of the ‘misguided youth’ to use a clichéd expression, which was shown in the scene where she drops the dead fetus in the canal, and then walks off saying; ‘I’m still gunna go get that 99’ in reference to the ice cream showing she is still just a child, which makes the audience shocked and horrified which goes back to the ‘sting in the tail’ point made earlier.

Moving on, this could link to Simon Ellis’s short, ‘Soft’, due to the fact that in ‘Soft’, its major themes and issues revolve around growing up along with nature and nurture. But the growing up theme is completely different in the way it’s shown when compared to ‘About a Girl’ due to the fact it is about how teenagers grow up and the problems they face when growing up, plus the nature/nurture side of its theme is about how he is being nurtured the wrong way by his father, where as his nature is telling him to defend himself. This links with representation because it shows to us the viewer the representations of age, gender and class and status.

Simon Ellis shows this to us the viewer in one of the final scenes in the short, where a group of stereotypical ‘yobs’ are being shown outside a middle class, English house showing us the class and status of the area, this is shown to us through the use of the mise en scene, with the group wearing the stereotypical outfit of antisocial youths, in baggy tracksuits or jogging wear, paired with baseball caps or bandanas, plus the house is shown to us as being in a pretty, clean, quiet neighbourhood. The group then progress to aggravate the father and son within the house, again with the mise en scene showing us with the use of props that are rather expensive dotted around the house. The tension is shown between the father and son when they begin arguing, constantly raising their respective voices, showing the scene as getting more tense, as if it’s building up to something. This links to Milgrom as she said each scene has to reveal something in the next to push the story forward, which it does effectively due to the fact it shows us that despite the father’s diegetic dialogue of constantly telling the son to; ‘sit back down’ he’s trying to nurture his son but not effectively because it’s a representation of ‘do as I say, not as I do’. But as the scene progresses the use of mid shots and close ups on the father and the group show the fathers fear and the groups confidence, which Goffman made a point about that we present ourselves differently for different people, so he is trying to act like the protective father figure in front of his son. Percival’s use of the quick cross cutting between the two situations of outside and indoors, shows the two worlds are completely different and this helps to build tension for the viewer until the father breaks the divide and goes outside to confront the group and proceeds to get beaten up shown in cuts of close ups, interchanged between the main antagonist and the father. Until the son comes out and proceeds to beat up the group with a cricket bat, the prop of the weapon plus the close up of the enraged facial expression character code, shows how the son’s nature has taken over; which shows how he has let his nature, nurture his way of being.

The micro ideas here of bullying, aggravation and nature vs nurture have been shown when the son breaks through in to an almost ‘primal’ nature when he attacks the ‘yobs’ when in reality the macro idea here is that he is breaking free of the nurture of his father and opening up the door to his nature, where he becomes a self reliant person.

Fourthly, this could link with Tom Harper’s short; ‘Cubs’. This is due to the themes and issues of nature and nurture along with growing up being present in this short, akin with ‘Soft’. But yet again Harper has chosen a different way of representing these themes and issues. He chose to show that for nature and nurture both his environment and his peers are pushing him in the wrong direction and that he growing up in the wrong way; due to the fact that they are pushing him to kill a fox.

Tom Harper shows this to us in one of the scenes near the end of his short, where the main protagonist is out in an old worn football pitch made from concrete, that has been well used and is in a poorer part of London, due to the surrounding mise en scene being dead trees, high rise flats and the different types of graffiti everywhere, but the colour palette is dark due to the night setting, but the scene is pierced with one bright light emitting from behind him, coming from a street lamp. Then it cuts to a low angle, worm’s eye view shot from the foxes point of view, where the rest of the group are revealed to us, egging him on to kill the fox with the gun handed to him by the ‘alpha male’ of the group. The diegetic chant of the whole group telling him to kill it shows the wrong type of nurturing for him to grow in to, but you can see the main character is conflicted because it keeps using cross cutting to show the group, the fox and the protagonists face, but it’s in the close up we can see the anguish in his eyes, but eventually he is pressured in to shooting the fox. As it zooms out to show him standing, in a group but the way he just stands shows to us the viewer through character codes that he feels solitary until, the ‘alpha male’ wipes blood on his face from the fox, and in diegetic dialogue says; ‘You’re one of us now’, almost as if it was like an admission test to grow through slightly like a Jewish barmitzah otherwise known as a rite of passage.

The micro links here such as the group ethic shown in the young youth of today, and the want for acceptance links to the macro idea where he wants to be accepted and not ousted by the group but he is conflicted about the way he gets there, this was shown during the scene where he shoots the fox and the anguish displayed on his face.

This could be then linked to Jane Linfoot’s short; ‘Youth’, due to the fact that the short is about young teens growing up and nature vs. nurture. The film itself is three different stories in one short, but I am focusing on one of these short stories, the last one focusing on the three school kids on the back of a public bus.

The scene opens with a blatantly handheld camera movement as the three teens run up the stairs of an old style bus, shown by the mise en scene of a brown colour palette and plain metal railings. The handheld movement was selected by Linfoot because it allows us the viewer to see it from one of the character’s point of views and therefore relate to the story. Milgrom stated in one of her scriptwriting articles that you should set your short around a familiar event or ritual so considering a bus journey is a regular thing, this also allows the audience to relate to the situation.

Later on in the scene it cuts from a mid shot, to a close up of one of the teens playing with a flick knife. The slow close up used shows the teenage stereotype of knife crime, which shows that he isn’t being nurtured very well but his nature is conflicting with him just cause he is carving in to the back of a bus seat.

The constant use of mid-shots, for one character shows him as the alpha male, a common connotation of groups of teens to have a leader of sorts. This alpha male role is reinforced in the next scene when the diegetic raised dialogue of an argument between the alpha male and one of the group kicks off and then dies down. Furthermore the use of a focus pull shows that the third member of the group, doesn’t want to get involved.

Moreover a scene later on has a long take of a group of girls getting on the bus and sitting down, which then cuts to a mid-shot of the alpha male using the character codes such as staring and having his mouth slightly open to show that he is interested in the girls. Moving on from this scene another argument breaks out between the alpha male and a member of the public, and the use of close ups, shows the aggravated situation, with a teen bothering a member of the public, which is another common social stereotype, which builds tension for the viewer. But the tension dies back down, when the alpha male throws an empty drinks can at the member of the public but then uses diegetic dialogue to blame it on one of the lesser ‘ranking’ teens. These are all common stereotypes of growing up but they relate back to nature vs nurture because none of the group are being nurtured properly they are being left to their own devices, like in other shorts such as; ‘The Most Beautiful Man in the World’, ‘About a Girl’ and ‘Cubs’.

The micro ideas explored in ‘Youth’ about teens, being the alpha, and showing no weakness, relates back to the macro idea of nature vs nurture, the primal nature of a teen, like the tribes of old, where one would fight for dominance and would act out to scare those who challenged dominance, which was prominent in the scenes when the ‘alpha’ fought his friend, and when he acted out against the member of the public.

In conclusion, i have found that shorts can share many of the same traits such as themes and issues, representations, but at the same time the way they represent these traits is perfectly individual to the short itself.

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10 Point Plan

Title

TBC

Genre / Tone

Social Realist / Drama Hybrid

Setting (Time & Place)

School Lockers
Sixth Form Centre
School Piazza

Main Character

Luke, a 17 year old ‘metalhead’, inward and reserved but quietly intelligent and knows how to handle himself, along with strong moral values.

Want / Need / Obligation

He feels like he has an obligation, to help out and protect Alice, for being a vulnerable person, plus the fact that she belongs in the same social clique as him.

Opposition

The opposition is the Group of social accepted ‘norms’.

Catalyst For Change

Alice being hit in the face by a sandwich.

Climax

When Luke and Alice are followed outside in to the Piazza.

Resolution

When the group of ‘norms’ are being attacked by food in the Piazza.

And The Audience Feels... (Theme)

Better, knowing that people can have self-belief and stand up for themselves.

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Script - First Draft

Script - First Draft - Joseph Cross

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Target Audience Research

Target Audience Research on Prezi

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Synopsis 5

Luke is standing at his slightly beaten locker, he slowly opens the door, revealing band posters and folders, he looks at his favourite poster, then Alice walks up to the locker next to him. He sees her out of the corner of his eye, she opens her locker, slowly revealing similar band posters, a smile smile appears on Luke’s face, as he scrutinizes her properly now. Her hair covers most of her face, but through the gaps in her hair, he notices small things, bright eyes, small nose, nice smile. Then quickly Alice shuts her locker and moves away.

Luke is staring blandly at the bright computer screen, lifelessly tapping away at the keyboard, watching text appear on the screen. He hits print and moves across the room, on his way he notices a group of so called ‘norms’ sitting on the bright green sofas. As he passes, they notice him and start pointing and whispering. Luke is standing by the printer and hears them but pays no attention. 

Then one of the group sits back and smugly yells; ‘Oi you fucking pussy shouldn’t you be at a hair and beauty course not here!?

He sits back, and the rest of the group burst in to fits of laughter with occasional bouts of backup insults; ‘Haha he looks like a ugly girl!’, ‘Where are your boobs woman? Late bloomer?’, ‘Why aren’t you defending yourself?’ ‘Proof he has a pussy!’ 

Luke just shakes his head, and strides back past the group back to his seat, the group die down and returns to their chat.

A few seconds later Alice enters the room. She still has her head down and headphones in, muttering to herself incoherently under her breath. The group look round and notice Alice, they instantly crack up in to laughter, then one of the group, grabs a sandwich that was sitting next to him and throws it straight at Alice.

A thwomp shakes Alice’s world, as the sandwich hits her squarely in the face. Alice is shocked and startled, as the sandwich drops to the floor. She shuffles across the room briskly, with short strides carrying her to a seat by a computer in the corner of the room. She sits down at speed, placing her bags gently on the table, and creating a wall between herself and the group.

The group move slowly around to the computers near her continuing the abuse, with any object near them such as food, pens, crumpled bits of paper and combined with verbal abuse. 

Luke pulls out his phone from his pocket, whilst looking down at his screen and up at what is happening to Alice. His fingers move furiously across the keyboard of the phone, and then he suddenly pockets the phone.

He gets up out of his seat, moves across the room, pushes past the group members and grabs Alice by the arm and leads her out the room silently. The group follow them, jeering with the same recycled insults, until they get outside in to the piazza, where Luke and Alice  stop and turn around to face the group. The insults stop and it drops in to silence. Then Luke just casually pulls his phone out of his pocket, presses a large button, and holds the camera up at eye level. The group stare on confused, for a second, when out of the bushes and out from behind walls jump out loads of people, all with food in hand. The group look around noticing they have been boxed in when Luke says ’Go’. 

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Synopsis Evaluation

-Explain the:
· world
· character
· problem

The world for my short has been set in the Sixth Form college area of a secondary school based in Banstead, a mainly middle class area. The main protagonist in my story is called Luke, and he is 17 years of age, starting his second year in the Sixth Form. He is part of the metalhead culture, with long hair, dark t-shirts and jeans as his constant form of dress. His problem is the bullying and abuse his culture and its respective sub-cultures receive.


-Does the story encompass a single moment/event? Describe it.

It encompasses around the event where the main character Luke is being bullied by the antagonist group, taking insults at his personal image, but when he ignores them, they ignore him. That’s the point in time where Alice enters, which allows for the secondary stage of bullying to occur which starts to bother Luke. Until the point where he intervenes.

-The most successful shorts are those that deal with a single event (unity of action), take place in one location (unity of place) and happen within an unbroken continuum of time (unity of time). How far does your story conform to the unity of time, place and action?

My short conforms to the unity of place due to the fact it is held within a sixth form, except for the final scene which is situated just outside of the sixth form centre. It also conforms slightly to the unity of time due to it all happening in one continuous time frame there aren’t any specific jumps in time apart from the cut between the locker scene and the computer scene with Luke. They are minor jumps which really don't effect the time because the two different scenes at the beginning and end of the short 'bookends' the main time frame, but it works because every scene is close enough in time to not disrupt the unity. It also conforms with unity of action because it revolves around the one ‘bullying’ scene and then shows it’s consequences.

-From whose POV is the story told? Is this clear? How?


The POV is shown from the main character, Luke’s perspective, this is clear because it is all been written for his POV, plus he is the one who takes action, which reinforces the fact that it is from his POV.

-Explain what motivates your protagonist.

The motivation for my protagonist, is the motion for change and equal treatment. Not just to be judged on the way you look, style yourself or what you’re in to.

-Is the main problem the heart of the film? Explain.

The main problem of the film, the victimisation, or bullying of a certain style or culture, has been made the heart of the film. Seeing as the main bulk of this short is based around the main problem of bullying.


-How successfully have you set up a predicament for your main character which presents them with a choice between two equally difficult paths (the dilemma)?

The dilemma has been set up in a way that the protagonist has been put through the situation himself, but then when he is sitting there, watching it happen to someone like him, he has the choice of saving his own skin or in other words making his life worse for himself or actually intervening and helping Alice out.


-Is there a sense of internal or external conflict for you protagonist (often emanating from the predicament) and is it credibly developed?

I think personally that I have tried to include both within my short for the protagonist in the way that he has internal conflict in the way that he feels he should help Alice on principle, but he also has external conflict fighting his principles to act in the way that if he gets involved in the current conflict physically, it is the human nature response of fight or flight, if he stays and 'fights', he will possibly make his own life worse, where as if he 'flies' and doesn't intervene he is giving the antagonists more power.


-What use is being made of:
· familiar settings
· familiar rituals

It uses a familiar setting in the way that it is set in a sixth form college common room, a familiar setting for the teenage audience, Plus it also makes use of familiar rituals in the way that sitting down chatting with friends and sitting and doing your work is a familiar ritual, plus as teens we are very used to seeing bullying, because at one point in our lives we have seen or been the victim of bullying.


-Are the stakes high enough? Explain.

The stakes are high enough in the way that he has a lot on the line with his social reputation, but he has a lot on the line morally in the way that it is against his way of being if he doesn’t intervene. Furthermore they are also high enough with Alice in the fact that she has been physically and emotionally abused by this group, and it seems like nothing is stopping it.


-Is there at least one clear meaning that the audience can take away? What is it?

One clear meaning the audience can take away from the film, is the effect that bullying and victimisation has on a teen, but also how one thing can change everything. Moreover that people have to take a stand, which is easier as a unified group.

-Is the film achievable on a zero budget?

Yes, the film is achievable due to the fact i have a ready made location, free for use, i have all the required equipment at my disposal, freely available, plus i have untrained actors who i can also recruit free of charge.

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Synopsis 4

Luke is standing at his slightly beaten locker, he slowly opens the door, revealing band posters and folders, he looks at his favourite poster, then Alice walks up to the locker next to him. He sees her out of the corner of his eye, she opens her locker, slowly revealing similar band posters, a smile smile appears on Luke’s face, as he scrutinizes her properly now. Her hair covers most of her face, but through the gaps in her hair, he notices small things, bright eyes, small nose, nice smile. Then quickly Alice shuts her locker and moves away.

Luke is staring blandly at the bright computer screen, lifelessly tapping away at the keyboard, watching text appear on the screen. He hits print and moves across the room, on his way he notices a group of so called ‘norms’ sitting on the bright green sofas. As he passes, they notice him and start pointing and whispering. Luke is standing by the printer and hears them but pays no attention. 

Then one of the group sits back and smugly yells; ‘Oi you fucking pussy shouldn’t you be at a hair and beauty course not here!?

He sits back, and the rest of the group burst in to fits of laughter with occasional bouts of backup insults; ‘Haha he looks like a ugly girl!’, ‘Where are your boobs woman? Late bloomer?’, ‘Why aren’t you defending yourself?’ ‘Proof he has a pussy!’ 

Luke just shakes his head, and strides back past the group back to his seat, the group die down and returns to their chat.

A few seconds later Alice enters the room. She still has her head down and headphones in, muttering to herself incoherently under her breath. The group look round and notice Alice, they instantly crack up in to laughter, then one of the group, grabs a sandwich that was sitting next to him and throws it straight at Alice.

A slight thwomp resonates around the room as the sandwich hits Alice squarely in the face. Alice is shocked and startled, as the sandwich drops to the floor. She shuffles across the room briskly, with short strides carrying her to a seat by a computer in the corner of the room. She sits down at speed, placing her bags gently on the table, and creating a wall between herself and the group.

The group move slowly around to the computers near her continuing the abuse, with any object near them such as food, pens, crumpled bits of paper and combined with verbal abuse. 

Luke pulls out his phone from his pocket, whilst looking down at his screen and up at what is happening to Alice. His fingers move furiously across the keyboard of the phone, and then he suddenly pockets the phone.

He gets up out of his seat, moves across the room, pushes past the group members and grabs Alice by the arm and leads her out the room silently. The group follow them, jeering with the same recycled insults, until they get outside in to the piazza, where Luke and Alice  stop and turn around to face the group. The insults stop and it drops in to silence. Then Luke just raises his hand and clicks his fingers, the group stare on confused, for a second, when out of the bushes and out from behind walls jump out loads of people, all with food in hand. The group look around noticing they have been boxed in when Luke says ’Go’. Suddenly all the people with food, pelt the group with it, leaving Luke and Alice to stand on and watch silently. Alice moves her hand to hold Luke’s and he grips back tightly.

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Synopsis Draft 3 + Discussion Notes

Synopsis 3

Luke is standing at his slightly beaten locker, he slowly opens the door, revealing band posters and folders, he looks at his favourite poster, then Alice walks up to the locker next to him. He sees her out of the corner of his eye, she opens her locker, slowly revealing similar band posters, a smile smile appears on Luke’s face, as he scrutinizes her properly now. Her hair covers most of her face, but through the gaps in her hair, he notices small things, bright eyes, small nose, nice smile. Then quickly Alice shuts her locker and moves away.

Luke is staring blandly at the bright computer screen, lifelessly tapping away at the keyboard, watching text appear on the screen. He hits print and moves across the room, on his way he notices a group of so called ‘norms’ sitting on the bright green sofas. As he passes, they notice him and start pointing and whispering. Luke is standing by the printer and hears them but pays no attention. 

Then one of the group sits back and smugly yells; ‘Oi you fucking pussy shouldn’t you be at a hair and beauty course not here!?

He sits back, and the rest of the group burst in to fits of laughter with occasional bouts of backup insults; ‘Haha he looks like a ugly girl!’, ‘Where are your boobs woman? Late bloomer?’, ‘Why aren’t you defending yourself?’ ‘Proof he has a pussy!’ 

Luke just shakes his head, and strides back past the group back to his seat, the group die down and returns to their chat.

A few seconds later Alice enters the room. She still has her head down and headphones in, muttering to herself incoherently under her breath. The group look round and notice Alice, they instantly crack up in to laughter, then one of the group, grabs a sandwich that was sitting next to him and throws it straight at Alice.

A slight thwomp resonates around the room as the sandwich hits Alice squarely in the face. Alice is shocked and startled, as the sandwich drops to the floor. She shuffles across the room briskly, with short strides carrying her to a seat by a computer in the corner of the room. She sits down at speed, placing her bags gently on the table, and creating a wall between herself and the group.

The group move slowly around to the computers near her continuing the abuse, with any object near them such as food, pens, crumpled bits of paper and combined with verbal abuse. 

Luke continues watching this abuse from his seat, fidgeting and wanting to move. The alpha male of the group yells out at Alice; ‘Why don’t you go and kill yourself and be done with it! You emos drive me insane!’ Luke’s eyes light up at this and he grabs a penknife from his bag and strides meaningfully towards the alpha. ‘Is this what you fucking want to see?!’ As he drags the knife down his arm, drawing blood. Before the alpha can say anything or move to react Luke slams his bloodied arm up against the alphas throat, and holds out his hand to Alice.

Alice, now in even more shock, slowly takes Luke’s hand. He pulls her gently and leads her out of the room.

Discussion Notes

From the second draft to this draft the beginning had to be changed to adequately fit my characters in and to establish a link for these characters. Milgrom’s point that applies here is that; ‘Each scene needs to move the story forward.’ which to an extent this new beginning does, purely for the fact that it creates and establishes that there will be a link between these two characters later on. 

Plus with the action in the second draft to this it has been toned down slightly but it’s still too much action for it to be believable, which relates to another point Milgrom made where she said; ‘Audiences instinctively know when something is pretentious or dishonest.’ 

Furthermore there’s the fact where i am still not happy with the ending because i personally believe that it is ‘cheesy’ and has been overused by previous texts across multiple genres, so i would like to rework the ending to fit mine better, once again relating to Milgrom's point about the audience instinctively knowing 'when something being pretentious or dishonest'.

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Comparitive Analysis of 5 Short Texts

Many short films by directors such as; Brian Percival, Alicia Duffy, Simon Ellis, Tom Harper and Jane Linfoot all have common traits between their shorts. These being the themes and issues that run throughout them.

Take for example; ‘The Most Beautiful Man in the World’. One of the main themes and issues that run through the whole of the short is the sexualisation of young children; this shows to us the viewer the representations involved are sexuality and age mainly.

Alicia Duffy shows this to us in the opening scene of her short through the use of a fade in which makes the audience feel in a sleepy relaxed state of mind, likewise with the child shown on screen, but in a few seconds this comfort is shattered and immediately dropped in to an awkward, morbid curiosity due to her choice to use a slow pan and tilt up a scantily clad, young girl, wearing skimpy shorts and an almost tube top like shirt revealing a bare midriff. This camera movement along with a canted angle makes the viewing extremely uncomfortable and almost voyeuristic in its style. This whole scene is yet again reinforced by the use of character codes due to the actress stretching with an arched back whilst yawning but because the movement has been slowed down, it makes the scene overly sexualized. Then Duffy had the idea of linking all of this with her make up design. Young girls with make up generally connotes a sexualized girl and the make up used on the young girl within this scene is subtle but really effective due to the use of a make up that makes her have a waxy skin tone, which also brings out her bright red lips, which is a connotation of sex.

This links to Brian Percival’s short, About a Girl, with its theme and issue of sexualisation of young children but in a different way. Due to the fact that in the short the main character, a young girl of 13 years of age, is represented as young girl with aspirations of growing up to be a popstar with her friends but this is juxtaposed with the final scene of her dropping a fully grown baby fetus in to a canal, being the so called ‘sting in the tail’ that many shorts finish upon. This shows us the viewer that the main themes and issues that run throughout the short are growing up and maturing, plus the sexualisation of young children. Furthermore this also shows us the representations in the film being sexuality and age, pretty much the same as ‘The Most Beautiful Man in the World’ but with subtle differences.

Brian Percival shows this to us in one of the final scenes of his short where the young girl is walking through a dilapidated housing estate, full of graffiti and forgotten about rubbish, making it seem like a war zone. This shows us her class and status of a poor background, while all the time spouting diegetic monosyllabic dialogue, which shows the simplicity of her education, whilst walking along side a long thin canal. Milgrom states that it is important for an emotional journey to be shown through a physical journey, which in this short, is the canal. Then there is the use of more diegetic sound of rushing water, which sets the tone of an uneasy calm, paired with the use of an upwards tilt which gives of a brooding feel to the audience at first but when it comes to rest at a high angle it shows the reality of the situation, where the young girl is a now represented as she is, a child. Then as she drops the prop of the bag in to the canal, we fully realize the extent to which she has been sexualized and how she has grown up. The white bag, which could possibly connote innocence is shown opening and out of as it continually sinks, is a fully grown baby fetus, covered in bright red blood. The use of the colour palette here shows how her innocence has been destroyed and how she has grown mentally but not physically and that she has been sexualized in the way that she has actually got an aborted child, but at the same time it also shows the lack of education because she has gotten pregnant and then decided to dispose of it within the local canal.

Moving on, this could link to Simon Ellis’s short, ‘Soft’, due to the fact that in ‘Soft’, its major themes and issues revolve around growing up along with nature and nurture. But the growing up theme is completely different in the way it’s shown when compared to ‘About a Girl’ due to the fact it is about how teenagers grow up and the problems they face when growing up, plus the nature/nurture side of its theme is about how he is being nurtured the wrong way by his father, where as his nature is telling him to defend himself. This links with representation because it shows to us the viewer the representations of age, gender and class and status.

Simon Ellis shows this to us the viewer in one of the final scenes in the short, where a group of stereotypical ‘yobs’ are being shown outside a middle class, English house showing us the class and status of the area, this is shown to us through the use of the mise en scene, with the group wearing the stereotypical outfit of antisocial youths, in baggy tracksuits or jogging wear, paired with baseball caps or bandanas, plus the house is shown to us as being in a pretty, clean, quiet neighbourhood. The group then progress to aggravate the father and son within the house, again with the mise en scene showing us with the use of props that are rather expensive dotted around the house. The tension is shown between the father and son when they begin arguing, constantly raising their respective voices, showing the scene as getting more tense, as if it’s building up to something. This links to Milgrom as she said each scene has to reveal something in the next to push the story forward, which it does effectively due to the fact it shows us that despite the father’s diegetic dialogue of constantly telling the son to; ‘sit back down’ he’s trying to nurture his son but not effectively because it’s a representation of ‘do as I say, not as I do’. But as the scene progresses the use of mid shots and close ups on the father and the group show the fathers fear and the groups confidence, which Goffman made a point about that we present ourselves differently for different people, so he is trying to act like the protective father figure in front of his son. Percival’s use of the quick cross cutting between the two situations of outside and indoors, shows the two worlds are completely different and this helps to build tension for the viewer until the father breaks the divide and goes outside to confront the group and proceeds to get beaten up shown in cuts of close ups, interchanged between the main antagonist and the father. Until the son comes out and proceeds to beat up the group with a cricket bat, the prop of the weapon plus the close up of the enraged facial expression character code, shows how the sons nature has taken over; which shows how he has let his nature, nurture his way of being.

Fourthly, this could link with Tom Harper’s short; ‘Cubs’. This is due to the themes and issues of nature and nurture along with growing up being present in this short, akin with ‘Soft’. But yet again Harper has chosen a different way of representing these themes and issues. He chose to show that for nature and nurture both his environment and his peers are pushing him in the wrong direction and that he growing up in the wrong way; due to the fact that they are pushing him to kill a fox.

Tom Harper shows this to us in one of the scenes near the end of his short, where the main protagonist is out in an old worn football pitch made from concrete, that has been well used and is in a poorer part of London, due to the surrounding mise en scene being dead trees, high rise flats and the different types of graffiti everywhere, but the colour palette is dark due to the night setting, but the scene is pierced with one bright light emitting from behind him, coming from a street lamp. Then it cuts to a low angle, worm’s eye view shot from the foxes point of view, where the rest of the group are revealed to us, egging him on to kill the fox with the gun handed to him by the ‘alpha male’ of the group. The diegetic chant of the whole group telling him to kill it shows the wrong type of nurturing for him to grow in to, but you can see the main character is conflicted because it keeps using cross cutting to show the group, the fox and the protagonists face, but it’s in the close up we can see the anguish in his eyes, but eventually he is pressured in to shooting the fox. As it zooms out to show him standing, in a group but the way he just stands shows to us the viewer through character codes that he feels solitary until, the ‘alpha male’ wipes blood on his face from the fox, and in diegetic dialogue says; ‘You’re one of us now’, almost as if it was like an admission test to grow through slightly like a Jewish barmitzah otherwise known as a rite of passage.

This could be then linked to Jane Linfoot’s short; ‘Youth’, due to the fact that the short is about young teens growing up and nature vs. nurture. The film itself is three different stories in one short, but I am focusing on one of these short stories, the last one focusing on the three school kids on the back of a public bus.

The scene opens with a blatently handheld camera movement as the three teens run up the stairs of an old style bus, shown by the mise en scene of a brown colour palette and plain metal railings. The handheld movement was selected by Linfoot because it allows us the viewer to see it from one of the character’s point of views and therefore relate to the story. Milgrom stated in one of her scriptwriting articles that you should set your short around a familiar event or ritual so considering a bus journey is a regular thing, this also allows the audience to relate to the situation.

Later on in the scene it cuts from a mid shot, to a close up of one of the teens playing with a flick knife. The slow close up used shows the teenage stereotype of knife crime, which shows that he isn’t being nurtured very well but his nature is conflicting with him just cause he is carving in to the back of a bus seat.

The constant use of mid-shots, for one character shows him as the alpha male, a common connotation of groups of teens to have a leader of sorts. This alpha male role is reinforced in the next scene when the diegetic raised dialogue of an argument between the alpha male and one of the group kicks off and then dies down. Furthermore the use of a focus pull shows that the third member of the group, doesn’t want to get involved.

Furthermore a scene later on has a long take of a group of girls getting on the bus and sitting down, which then cuts to a mid-shot of the alpha male using the character codes such as staring and having his mouth slightly open to show that he is interested in the girls. Moving on from this scene another argument breaks out between the alpha male and a member of the public, and the use of close ups, shows the aggravated situation, with a teen bothering a member of the public, which is another common social stereotype, which builds tension for the viewer. But the tension dies back down, when the alpha male throws an empty drinks can at the member of the public but then uses diegetic dialogue to blame it on one of the lesser ‘ranking’ teens. These are all common stereotypes of growing up but they relate back to nature vs nurture because none of the group are being nurtured properly they are being left to their own devices, like in other shorts such as; ‘The Most Beautiful Man in the World’, ‘About a Girl’ and ‘Cubs’.

In conclusion, i have found that shorts can share many of the same traits such as themes and issues, representations, but at the same time the way they represent these traits is perfectly individual to the short itself.

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Synopsis Draft 2 and Discussion Notes

Luke is sitting at his worn, scribbled upon desk, twiddling his pen between his fingers, watching the clock run down the minutes. As the bell rings, he picks up his stuff and quickly shuffles out of the room on his own, leaving the rest of the class to chat and casually stroll out.

Luke is staring blandly at the bright computer screen, while lifelessly tapping away at the keyboard, doing his work, when he hears insults yelled through the tranquil room. He turns to see Alice, a quiet, introvert metalhead, being verbally attacked by a group of the so called ‘norms’. Intently he watches this abuse, while the group wheel her across the room and in to a corner on the complete opposite side of the room, he watches Alice as the group stroll back out of his line of sight, still jeering. Alice just remains, quiet, unmoving like a statue. Slowly she moves to get something out of her bag, the group start to crack more jokes when they realise that it’s blade from a sharpener. Luke listens, then grabs something out from his bag and moves towards the group. The group takes one look and laughs and questions what he wants. Luke simply raises raises one arm and runs a blade down his arm, drawing blood, that starts to run down his arm. The group are left in shock, that’s when Luke shifts his footing quickly so his bloodied arm is holding up the leader of the group by the throat against a wall. The rest of the group don’t want anything to do with it, so they bolt, leaving the leader to fend for himself.

Luke slowly runs his arm across the leader’s throat, leaving bloodstains against his neck and drops him from against the wall, goes to pick up his stuff, leaving the leader in a state of shock on the floor.

Discussion Notes

From the discussion, we decided that the predicament, dilemma, conflict and tension, is now present within the story but the story is now too over the top, it could become comical or not true to life, which relates to Milgrom's point about 'Are the stakes high enough?' in the way that in this, yes the stakes are high, but they are too high. This also relates to her point about audiences, in the way that they 'instinctively know when something is being pretentious or dishonest'.

Also we decided that the start doesn’t fit with the rest of the story and doesn’t establish the link between Luke and Alice which places a major plot hole in the unity and time of action element of the story, because his actions in the conflict aren’t justified by the beginning of the story, which relates back to Milgrom in the form of her ten point plan, that states that each scene should drive the piece forward, which this scene didn't.

Plus It was suggested that i quietly and gently introduce the link between Luke and Alice, which could also gently introduce the issue of self harm, but the main point from our discussion was that i need to make Luke more motivated before he gets involved in any conflict. From this we discussed changing the beginning interior room from a classroom to a set of lockers, so that we can establish a link that the character Luke can identify with so there is a link with Alice, through what’s in her locker and through proximity, because he can notice that she is attractive through all the mise en scene of her costume and make up, this was a useful idea because it was backed up with one of Milgrom's screenwriting conventions, in the form of telling the story with camera and as minimal dialogue as possible.

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Synopsis Draft 1 and Discussion Notes

The Short opens in a classroom at the end of a school day, with the main ‘metalhead’ character sitting as his desk, twiddling his pen, watching the clock run down the minutes. Then as the bell rings he picks up his stuff and quickly shuffles out of the room on his own, leaving the rest of the class to chat and casually walk out.

It then cuts to a different scene of a sixth form common room, where the main character is sat at a computer with headphones over his ears doing his work. Then his isolation is shown by him being alone at a computer, when the rest of the sixth form are in their own social groups. Suddenly he is hit by a flying object, and a barrage of laughter, so he just packs up his stuff and leaves, and walks home.

When at home he walks up to his room and throws his stuff down to the floor. He then walks past a mirror but stops and turns to look at himself. He starts pulling his clothes whilst looking uneasy and torn. Then he opens the wardrobe and pulls out the supposedly ‘normal’ clothes that he owns. After putting on the clothes he turns and looks in the mirror again. Then he screams and changes back in to his previous outfit and looks in the mirror and smiles.

For the rest of the day he smiles, through dinner, television, school work and when he goes to sleep.

Then it opens with the same opening scene but the next day, and as he gets up to go home he hears the jibes and jeering of the supposedly ‘normal’ group, he slowly turns and says; ‘I am what, i am’, turns, and walks out of the room smiling and then it ends.

Discussion Notes

The main point that came up in our discussion was the issue of “literary” style versus WYSIWYG - What You See Is What You Get. It runs through the description, it’s more novel style than film style writing. Take for example; ‘At the end of the school day’. We can’t see this is the frame. So many parts need to be removed from this and changed or edited to make this seem more like a description of a film.

Also we spoke about how i could be more descriptive of the actual settings around, which goes along with the WYSIWYG point made earlier because at the moment it’s too basic.

Another major point that was brought up during the discussion was the fact that the story itself is too tame and doesn’t really have a peaking point for the dilemma part of the story. Which in turn makes the predicament and conflict parts of the synopsis weak too. Overall the whole synopsis for now is not following The Character and the Problem questions set out by Milgrom such as; Who is the main character? What is their problem? How will the audience recognise the problem? Are the stakes high enough? Am I telling the story from the best point of view? Which in turn makes it worse for the audience because; 'The audience must be clear from the outset who the film is about and they won’t be if you aren’t.'

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